Small Talk

Seemingly redundant, yet a huge part of our daily lives, small talk is a right of passage for everyone in society.  It is unavoidable yet agonizingly awkward, fake, and boring.  There are a few paths you can take when entering a conversation.  As much as it sucks, small talk really makes or breaks what a person will think about you.  Small talk, as a noun, can and does adapt to the surrounding social environments, however here are a few examples of small talk in action.

Running into a distant acquaintance:

You start off by deciding whether or not to even acknowledge the person's existence, but decide the better thing to do is be the bigger person, fake a smile, and say hello.  The conversation will usually be light and ask how things are going, how your mutual friend is, and of course something about the weather (unless you live in LA).  Things will carry on for a while, then comes that time when you need to escape the conversation (because talking about the weather for 7 minutes can only be so interesting).  You stop replying with detailed answers and your conversation becomes shorter and shorter until the two of you are standing there like complete morons.  Finally one person says "it was nice seeing you again stranger!" phone numbers might be exchanged, and you carry on with the rest of your day.

Running into a friend's parent:

This is always a tricky one.  You never know what to mention or leave out (specifically looking at college students.  It might be a little out of place to say "oh ya I love Kalli, we bonded in the hospital after she got her stomach pumped...)  They will ask you if you like school, of course you will say how much you do.  They will ask what you are majoring in, doing over the summer, or basically simple things they really don't care about.  You will ask them how their dog is, find out it died, and be left running for another thing to talk about.  Occasionally you will run into the parent who does nothing but brag about their child and try to compare them to everything you do.  In this case the best thing is to let them walk all over you and realize they are probably just jealous.  You will fake a phone call or text and hopefully be on your way before you know everything about Becky's course load, dorm room, and terrible roommate.

When you are left alone with someone you don't know at a social gathering:

This is very hit or miss.  Small talk is always better with a little liquid encouragement, so it is definitely worth while to bring some along.  I would say being four or five shots deep is clutch for making great small talk.  In the case where you are sober, the best thing to do is act like you really care what the person has to say, ask a lot of questions and nod your head accordingly.  Chances are you will have some lame interest or trait in common (try seeing if they are colorblind, left-handed, or something), build off of that and run with it until you can, more or less, run away.

Here are some things that make Small Talk easier:

• Alcohol (at least a couple pulls of your favorite mix)
• Questions, ask a ton of them, people love listening to themselves talk
• Being the smaller man - if it is soccer-mom going to empty nest syndrome let her do the talking
• Bull Shit - life is about putting up with it, small talk is the same.  
• Be interested but no too interesting
• Plan a successful getaway/proper goodbye